So I tried a thing. I rebranded my blog and moved my followers across, to a shiny new WordPress install. The AM Beauty Edit. I had visions of it being a daily updated beauty source, with different contributors and an airy, breakfast in bed aesthetic. I kicked it off by posting a handful of reviews and had some nice feedback about the rebrand (thank you!) but after a run of posts totally lost the will to blog. Annoyingly I took -quite literally- hundreds of photos ready for months worth of content. Not a small feet with a newborn and now a complete waste of time.
Because I’ve realised (as I wrote months ago) that I don’t do well when sticking to a niche. I’m bored already. I want to talk about eating vegan, gardening, travel, retraining for an entirely new career and all the amazing (and admittedly mundane) little things that 2018 has bought me so far. I do want to write about makeup still, because I bloody love it, but not exclusively. And certainly not every day!
I don’t want to schedule posts, or hundreds of Tweets. I constantly have that feeling you used to get on a Sunday. When you have to do your homework that you’ve been avoiding all week. It’s sucked all the fun out of what is pretty much my main and only (watching Vice documentaries and eating hummus from the pot don’t count I assume?) hobby.
Maternity leave and life as a Mum are a huge adjustment. And that’s probably the understatement of the year. I think somewhere along the line I used my blog to try and fill that gap, approaching it like it was work. Way to kill my own buzz. I have never wanted to earn money from blogging and I’m not in it for the free stuff. The minute I started trying to ‘take it more seriously’ I lost interest in it. Because that’s what I love about blogging, it’s fun and I can do it when I like. Work can be stressful and is not optional, I hated feeling that way about blogging.
I’m sick to death of Instagram, it’s fakery and how badly Facebook have messed it up. Fed up of opening Twitter to see subtweets about the latest and greatest spat. And confused every time my phone pops up a Vero notification (remember Vero? From all of a few weeks ago? No, me neither).
I went through an incredibly hard time at the end of last year and didn’t feel like blogging at all. I thought that perhaps a fresh start would help. And whilst setting up my new blog gave me something to focus on, it wasn’t the answer to breaking my writing block. It turns out stopping ruminating about it and just doing what I enjoy is. I’m fed up of worrying about followers, traffic and stats. From now on I’m only going to open my social apps if I feel like it or have something to say. I’m going to declutter my social accounts so I can actually see the stuff I’m interested in. And I’m only going to blog when I’m in the mood.
So yeah, I guess I’m back over here. A failed exclusive beauty blogger doing a digital walk of shame back to my familiar old collection of ramblings. I promise not to run away again. Or entertain any delusions about making this blog more focused or professional. I’ll save that for my day job.