A lot of things scare me about having a baby. As I progress further through my pregnancy, the obvious issue of childbirth looms in the not-so-distant future. I appreciate it’s the most natural thing in the World. But at the same time, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned about it.

Like everything when it comes to being a parent, my fear isn’t really even for me. I know that whatever happens to me, I will have a very important job to do afterwards. I can’t put starting Motherhood on hold for a few days, whilst I recover. When she’s here, she will rely on me for everything. And I can only imagine how overwhelming those first few weeks for us will be. I don’t want a traumatic experience to make that time harder.

And so I worry. What if I can’t do it? Will the pain be too much? What if I don’t have the energy to get it done?

It’s got me thinking. What is my limit? What is the absolute most I can endure? I mean, I’ve traveled by Mega Bus to London. Sat through The Hobbit in the cinema. And once saw the Venga Boys live ‘in concert’.

But what would be a step too far? What has pushed me as close to that edge as I’ve experienced?

Kidney Stone Woes

Having had a kidney stone in recent years, you’d be forgiven for assuming that was my most painful experience. It was no picnic, but one experience stands out as being worse. Worse than the kidney stone, subsequent treatment, past broken bones and anything in living memory.

Lip injections without adequate numbing cream.

No exaggeration the needle was about 2 inches long. And blunt.

On a whim I decided to try lip injections. They’re all the rage at the moment aren’t they? My life would surely be immeasurably better if my lips were slightly bigger (spoiler alert, it was pretty underwhelming). So off to the dentist I popped, where they offered various fillers and injectables.

The Lip Injection Incident

I had numbing cream applied all over my lips and was told to wait for 20 minutes for it to work. My mouth began to numb, but 20 minutes came and went. The dentist had been called to something else and it was an hour before she came back. It didn’t occur to me that the cream would have worn off (although one would hope it would have occurred to her!).

I remember making another pitiful yelp before everything went wobbly. I had fainted.

Sweeney Todd, I mean the dentist, explained that she would be using a cannula as it caused less bruising. Far from the little Botox needle I had seen on TV, this thing was a beast. No exaggeration the needle was about 2 inches long. And blunt. Because that’s how cannulas work.

Now I’m not doubting the relative merits of this method, if the patient was sufficiently numbed. But I can tell you that I felt everything. As it went in, I yelped in pain, but the worst was yet to come. As she pushed the needle from the corner of my mouth up to the top of my cupid’s bow, it felt like the most intense stinging pain I’ve ever experienced. I remember making another pitiful yelp before everything went wobbly. I had fainted.

Thankfully the Juvederm itself numbs once injected, so my lip was at that point numb. After a glucose tablet and a few moments to psyche myself up, we had to continue. It was either that or have half a big lip.

I’d repeat in my head ‘not as bad as lip injections … Not as bad as lip injections’.

A Painful New Benchmark

For anyone reading this who has had them, you might be thinking I’m a total wimp. I had them once more after this -with lots of numbing cream- and I can honestly say I didn’t feel a thing. Just a bit of tugging. When numbed, they really don’t hurt. But I challenge anyone who thinks they’re hard enough to try it without the cream. My lips are recoiling just thinking about it!

I only went back as she heavily discounted it. Realising the first attempt had been less than ideal.

My silly pursuit of vanity made me realise lip fillers aren’t for me. I don’t have any real hangups about my lips or need for them so had forked out for a sadist to stab me in the face. Only to have marginally larger lips for a few months (thanks Kylie Jenner!). But it wasn’t entirely in vain.

That experience has served as a handy benchmark for me when it comes to pain. Throughout my kidney stone stuff, if I had an injection or procedure, I’d repeat in my head ‘not as bad as lip injections … Not as bad as lip injections’. And it honestly never was (or that’s how it felt).

I’ve done this for every knock, every injection or cut I’ve had since. And it really works. Was that the worst pain I’ve ever felt? Almost certainly not. But I’ve reframed it that way.

Once childbirth is out the way I’ll have a new benchmark to go by.

My Limits

Pain is a complicated thing. What makes one incident worse has a lot to do with the duration, area you feel it over and I guess if it’s expected or unexpected. It stands to reason procedures on your kidneys are more painful than lip injections. I wasn’t offered morphine at the dentist. But not being ready for it had a huge effect.

Clearly fear, expectation, a loss of control and other factors contributed to make that experience worse. Or rather my mental preparation and expectations of the more serious incident helped me manage it.

At the very least, once childbirth is out the way I’ll have a new benchmark to go by. And if not? I’ll be finding a new dentist.

Childbirth & The Positive Birth Book

Jokes aside, I’ve been reading a new book this week on childbirth. The Positive Birth Book (thanks Alice for the recommendation). Which focuses on helping you achieve the birth you want (however that looks). Unlike a lot of parenting books, it’s not judgemental or idealistic. And gives a lot of information without scaring the living daylights out of you.

I’m feeling pretty positive about the whole thing. And my fears are disappearing. I know it will be over relatively quickly and can’t wait to meet my little one. The book does an excellent job of examining how other people’s negativity scares us. Or makes us feel we have to do things a certain way.

I’m now focusing on the positive aspects of childbirth and not dwelling on the pain. Although the same can’t be said for lip injections.

  • Random fact: Did you know 1% of women have an “Orgasmic Birth”? It may only be a small percentage, but it’s worth crossing your fingers for!
    Also, I’ve had teeth pulled without sufficient numbing, so I feel your pain. You’d think they’d click to the whole “in a lot of pain” thing when they start the process, and you start screaming, wouldn’t you?

    xx Bry Jaimea

    • Amy

      Haha, I did read that. So who knows! Eek, that doesn’t sound fun. X

  • I’ve thought about having lip fillers, but after that it is a no from me haha! I’m happy you’re starting to feel better about child birth, everybody seems to say you forget about any pain you went through when you see your baby, it’s a special moment xx

    Hannah | luxuryblush

    • Amy

      Don’t let me put you off, but do make sure they’re not skimpy with the cream haha! Totally, it will all be over quickly and I think a really special time X

  • Yiotou_La

    Omg Amy that lip injection story made me think that I will never have lip fillers, that scared the crap out of me. This is a good book recommendation for when the time comes and I am glad you are feeling better about this, just think that it would be a moment and after that, you will hold your precious little girl! (PS. I had a feeling that it would be a girl from the moment you posted that lovely picture on instagram, I don’t know how or why but I had a feeling for ‘pink’)! 🙂

    Yiota

    • Amy

      Sorry Yiota! Haha. Totally agree, the book does a great job of focusing on all the amazing aspects of it. The pain is only one aspect. Aw that’s so funny, my whole family & A were the same. I didn’t mind either way but was convinced she was a boy 🙂 X

  • Shelise Saddul

    That lip injection story is one of the reasons why I’d be so scared to have lip fullers! At least it went okay in the end, I would love my lips to be bigger but i’m way too scared of fillers so I’ll have to stick with overlining for now ha <3

    S x
    SHELISES WORLD

    • Amy

      Don’t let me put you off entirely, although it is expensive for what it is. Over-lining is free so I stick to that too now ha X

  • Oh my god – when I read about the injections I was getting shivers!! haha Hope your pregnancy is going well – despite the pain you’ll have your sweet little baby to hold when it’s all over! x

    Sophie

    • Amy

      It was bad haha. Thank you! All going well so far 🙂 X

  • Oh, girl, you are hilarious. I mean, again, not at the time obviously. But I was cringing throughout this post! At least you know that, whatever childbirth involves, your baby will be worth it – he or she won’t be as underwhelming as the lip fillers turned out to be!

    I don’t do the Megabus to London anymore because the last time I did it it… did not end well

    Lis / last year’s girl x

    • Amy

      Exactly! I know it will all be worth it. And it’s not optional at this point anyway haha.

      Same here. The Megabus ‘gold’ was the final nail. I do slightly miss the faint smell of urine and hour delays when traveling by train, but at least it takes a fraction of the time.

  • Vanessa

    Amy,
    What an exciting time for you! It will all be worth it once your baby is here! Best of luck to you babe!

    xoxo,
    Vanessa
    http://www.whatwouldvwear.com

    • Amy

      Thanks Vanessa! X

  • The lip injection experience sound horrific to be honest! I’m really scared of needles and don’t think I could have gone through that. I have been through complicated childbirth and had to have my twins delivered in an emergency c-section in the end. I was really scared before but it ended up being fine. It will all be work it when she arrives 🙂 Gemma x
    http://www.jacquardflower.uk

    • Amy

      I don’t know why I put myself through it in retrospect haha. Aw bless you that must have been hard, but as you say I’m sure it will all be fine when she’s here! Thanks for your comment and sharing your story. I think one thing I want to focus on is not having a hard and fast plan, which doesn’t cover all eventualities. As we can’t predict how it’s going to happen! X

      • You are welcome. Yes not having a plan sounds like a good plan lol. How many weeks are you now? x

        • Amy

          Ha yes! 24 in a few days, so still a long way to go yet! X

  • Aw loved this so much! From memory, I remember birth being something impossible, I couldn’t understand how it was going to happen and all way through I kept telling everyone ‘I can’t do it’ xD I think it’s something the mind struggles to keep up with, but the body has it’s own ideas. Weirdly the most painful part for me was when they checked to see how dilated I was, I had never felt pain like it! Because I am a weirdo I didn’t have proper contractions, just the most intense period pain for hours until the epidural happened and I had never been so happy to see a needle haha! I think often birth can be so unpredictable, you never know what is going to hurt more or hurt less than you imagined and how long, just work through each stage as you come to it and follow your body’s instincts 😀 you can do this, even if your mind says no! xx

    elizabeth ♡ ”Ice Cream” whispers Clara

    • Amy

      I can totally imagine that. It must be such a strange thing to experience! I’ve heard people describe it like that, which doesn’t exactly sound fun either haha. That’s totally it, until you experience it there’s no way of knowing and one birth can be so different to the next. I’m hoping to just stay calm and be prepared -as much as possible- so whatever happens I can go with it. And who knows, maybe even enjoy aspects of it! But either way, I’ll have her at the end. Thanks Elizabeth! X

  • hey amy! i’ve never had a child, so I don’t have any advice 🙁 I’ll just pray and hope everything goes well with your delivery. I would feel the same way. Praying for a safe and healthy delivery (you and your baby). oh gosh! you lip injection story. i would’ve died. i freak out when I’m at the dentist. I’ve had some crazies. LOL Loved hearing your story.
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

    • Amy

      Aw thank you! Haha, it wasn’t fun X

  • When I was expecting my eldest daughter Nichole, so many people put the fear of God in me with their birthing stories, so I was almost hysterical when the day came. When I got to the labour ward at 2.15am I was 6cm dilated, I had pethadine, fell asleep, woke a little with each contraction, then at 8am they checked me, I was 10cm, I pushed 3 times and she was born at 8.39am and my exact words “was that it?” it was no where near as bad as I expected. My advice would be to listen to your body and listen to the midwives, if they say pant, pant, if they say push, push etc etc, and if you want/need drugs, have them, all this “I didn’t have drugs, aren’t I amazing” drives me nuts, nobody will give you a medal if you don’t have drugs, it just hurts more!! But whatever happens, you will be fine and it is more than worth it, much more than lip fillers ha ha 😉 xxxx

    Zoe ♥ MammafulZo

    • Amy

      I don’t know why people do it! Wow that’s amazing! Thanks for the advice, I will take that on board. I agree, it’s not a fashion statement it’s a huge life experience, however anyone does it is the best way! Haha I’m sure it will be. Thanks Zoe X

  • I love your complete and utter honesty here. Childbirth is really scary – not that I have had a baby or am I ever planning to.. it’s just not my thing. There being said I know that you will be the best mother you could possibly ever be and your baby is going to be so loved it’ll be ridiculous 😀 Love this post and it made me giggle all the way through! xoxo

    Rach | https://caninesandcosmetics.blogspot.co.uk

    • Amy

      Aw thank you Rach! X

  • My own lips are curling reading about this OMG… how… why? I just couldn’t even when they would start injecting I wouldn’t care if I had one fat I’d say I’d walked into a door or something… the cringe!

    Mel ★ http://www.meleaglestone.co.uk

    • Amy

      Never again haha! X

  • Oh gosh, getting lip injections sounds scary! I’ve loved reading your recent posts and I’m excited for your pregnancy as well. I’m sure you’ll manage the childbirth fabulously <3

    • Amy

      Thank you so much Charlotta! I really appreciate that & love reading yours too. I hope so haha <3

  • That time you sat through The Hobbit – ahahaha! That was me watching Radiohead at Glastonbury. 😉 I loved this post! I don’t think I’ll ever get lip fillers, even though I absolutely need them ha. Your book sounds really good! I might ask for all the recommendations… whenever that day comes.

    T x

    • Amy

      I think I would find that to be a similar experience haha! Oh you don’t, I don’t think anyone does. Yet another thing invented to make us feel we should look a certain way. I’m excited for that time, they will be the most stylish baby. I’m imagining a white babygrow with fringe under the arms haha. X